


Dea(r)th

by Elivra



Series: Tender Nothings [7]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Compliant, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-26 06:32:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14396301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elivra/pseuds/Elivra
Summary: Erwin Smith suddenly finds himself with a dearth of several things -of soldiers, of words, and of ways to help his grieving Captain.This story can be read individually or as ordered chronologically inTender Nothings.





	Dea(r)th

**Author's Note:**

> This is my next canon Eruri in my series. I had this written a long time ago but had to hold myself back because I wanted to publish in chronological order, plotwise. Well, guess I've finally stumbled into angst territory, there's no going back now. :(
> 
> Happy reading and sorry for the feels!

“We have to be quick. Take Dominic's squad with you.”

“Understood!”

The man practically runs away, purposeful and energetic. Erwin can't help but wonder what it is that makes the man so zealous, so eager, even, to do such a vile task. Perhaps it was _him_ , the fact that it was his _command_. Perhaps that was a good thing.

There is a commotion on the edge of their clearing, and Erwin suspects its reason almost instantly. Sure enough, when he makes his way through the huddled men, he finds two soldiers right in the middle, swords drawn, breathing heavily.

Levi's face is a dangerous, emotionless mask. He holds to his side, quite casually, a slimy bundle that is very clearly a human being. The next second allows Erwin to focus on the face through the slime.

“Eren,” he breathes.

The girl next to Levi speaks up, her voice clear and ringing. “We need to help him-”

Two or three people surge forward, one of them Hange, and they grab Eren from Levi's grasp.

“What happened?” Hange gasps.

“He's fine now. Clean him up,” Levi says wearily.

No one else questions him, not when he speaks in that tone. The girl with the red scarf leaves them abruptly, trailing behind Eren with poignant emotion on her face.

 _Mikasa Ackerman_ , Erwin reminds himself. Eren's childhood friend, his fearsome protector, the girl already being touted as the Levi of her generation. A small, blond boy joins her as they hurry past, his face etched with even more worry than the girl.

Ah. Eren's _other_ childhood friend. His name slips Erwin's memory for the timebeing, but it can wait. There are more pressing issues at hand.

Levi hasn't moved an inch as he watches them take his underling away. He is still breathing heavily and his cloak is still faintly steaming.

“Levi,” Erwin begins, “what-”

“Are we retreating?” Levi cuts in, his voice still even. It is almost insolent, and with anyone else, Erwin would have taught them their place, immediately. But this is Levi. Erwin is acutely aware that no one else seems to have accompanied him and the Ackerman girl, and he can somehow tell from his blank expression that he doesn't seem to expect anyone else to join them.

He has never seen his eyes so dead before.

“In some time,” Erwin answers him. “We're trying to retrieve the bodies-”

“Is there another cart to spare?” And that is it, that is all Levi has to say. For a split-second, the world seems to rotate around Erwin in a slow, dizzying, sick circle. Then it stops, and he is standing tall and firm in the gloomy forest and Levi is looking up at him with dead eyes.

“Yes,” Erwin manages to say. They have more than enough carts, now that they've used up all the snares and the cannons that Hange so painstakingly put together.

“I need thirty minutes.”

“Would you like me to come with you?” Erwin blurts. But then he finds he doesn't regret asking. His soldiers can handle themselves, and there is little else left for Erwin to do at the moment, other than waiting for his men to bring back the eviscerated remains of his dead soldiers.

Levi is already walking to the closest empty cart. Erwin hears his low “Yeah” and nods, oddly relieved.

Mike is never far from him and handing him the command is a matter of seconds, something he has done many times before. Mike, being the excellent friend and excellent subordinate that he is, asks him nothing, only grasps his hand in a quick, reassuring grip.

And then they are off.

Levi doesn't use his gear. He sits at the head of the cart and drives the horse, Erwin sitting beside him. Neither of them say a word.

When he stops the cart, the huge trees around them are strikingly devoid of blood or human remains.

“It's further in.” Levi mutters. “The cart won't be able to go.”

Erwin nods and draws his triggers from his holsters. They shoot into the trees at the exact same moment, but unsurprisingly, Levi takes the lead two swings in. He is lighter, faster, and more skilled than Erwin could ever be, and Erwin has known this for a long time.

When the first figure comes into view, hanging feet up from the wires, Levi turns to Erwin. “I'll cut, you catch,” he says, and Erwin nods again.

Just before the wires are snipped, Erwin almost misses him say, “Watch the neck.” _Almost_. He leaps at the figure just as Levi swipes at the wires, and when he swings down with the body, he cradles the head carefully in the body's own bloody cloak.It is not difficult; Gunther Schultz was a light man.

They fly back to place the corpse carefully in the cart, arranging his head so it looks like it is still completely attached to the rest of his body.

Then, without another word, Levi takes off again, and Erwin follows him, silent as well.

They find some mangled, bloody mess that _could_ have been Eld Ginn’s legs when he was alive. Without discussing it, they decide to leave it there and only take his torso back to the cart.

For their next run, Erwin is glad he thought of taking along one of the shrouds. Compared to Eld Ginn, Oluo Bozard is whole. Compared to Eld Ginn’s torso, Oluo is… not.

It has been a while since Levi has spoken a word. Concern is pounding in Erwin's chest, thrumming through his veins. But he knows there's no point talking to Levi now. He knows they have one last run left.

Petra Rall is on her knees, gazing sightlessly at the sky as if with veneration. The image is sickening. Erwin knows, from years of experience, that this -this will forever be branded into his head, another image that will be dredged up in his dreams to taunt his sanity.

But it is nothing, Erwin knows. It is nothing, because Levi sees it too. Levi stands before Petra Rall, as still as a statue, alive and breathing before her mangled corpse. What Erwin will take away from here, now, is _nothing_ compared to what Levi will forever be burdened with.

They stand in silence before her for several long moments. Erwin simply waits for Levi's lead. In this moment, Levi commands him, not the other way round.

When Levi finally speaks, Erwin can only hear the crack in his voice but not his words.

Before Erwin can ask him, Levi repeats, “Her father.” He clears his throat and continues, “She wanted me to meet her father. She said he'll be waiting for us this time. She said he has something to tell me.”

For the first time in many years, Erwin is at a loss for words. Not a single word in his extensive vocabulary seems apt for the moment. Instead, he simply takes a step closer to Levi, hoping that at least this, his presence, will mean something. He knows it is too hollow a hope, though. He has been a soldier in the Survey Corps long enough to know that.

“I…” Levi finally turns around, finally looks at Erwin again. His eyes are _dead_ , they are lifeless, lightless, tiny pinpricks of screaming, dark void.

“I don't know what to tell him.” The voice is low, quiet. He could be muttering in a meeting back at HQ. He could be whispering something in the quiet of a dark stable so as to not wake the horses. But he isn't. And Erwin still has nothing to say.

“I…” His eyes close, the lines around them weary, tired, betraying his age in an otherwise smooth face. “I don't know what to tell him, Erwin.”

Erwin steps closer, places his hand cautiously on his shoulder, says the only thing he can. “Levi…”

“I don't know…” Levi lists forward, as if he is falling, but Erwin is already too close. Perhaps he knows this, because when his forehead touches Erwin's arm, it does so gently. Erwin stretches his other arm around his shoulders and they stand there, frozen, rooted to the forest floor in grief.

When they break apart neither of them says anything. Levi gathers up Petra's body and leaves, with Erwin scrambling behind to catch up. When they reach the cart, Levi places her gently next to her comrades, wraps her up in her shroud as if he is putting her to bed. When he steps away and walks to the front of the cart, something catches Erwin's eye.

“What's wrong with your leg?”

Levi halts, shoots him a glance over his shoulder. “What?”

“You're limping.”

Erwin barely hears the soft “Tch.” He climbs up on the seat next to him and begins resolutely, “If you need a medic-”

“It's nothing.”

“You're limping.”

“It's _nothing._ I'm fucking limping, Erwin. It's a _limp_. It's nothing.”

The horse begins to trot as Levi guides it back to base.

“You're going to have to slow down.”

“After we return. Fine. I get it.”

Erwin thinks he heard an inflection of something at the word 'return’. He glances at Levi's hands, knuckles stark white against the reins of the horse.

“I can speak to him,” Erwin says softly. “If you like.”

There is a pause. It hadn't seemed possible, but Levi's knuckles clench more, turn more pale. “No.” Another pause. “It's gotta be me.”

Erwin sighs soundlessly. “Understood. But if you want me, I'll be there.”

“Okay.” He glances at him and then glances away. “Thank you.” Those two words are filled with more meaning than anything else Levi has spoken in a while.

His twisted, heavy heart seems to lighten in his chest, and a sudden lump finds itself in Erwin's throat. He nods, and swallows the lump.

“It’s nothing,” he says.

 

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This moment was something I had thought of ages ago, even before I started hardcore shipping Eruri. I always thought Levi would be the one to retrieve their bodies, and it makes sense that Erwin accompanied him, yeah? 
> 
> There is little else to add, I think. Just hope neither of them was OOC and that their grief wasn't too muted or too extreme. It was pretty difficult to write this, honestly. Let me know what you think of it!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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